I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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