You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
