I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
