Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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