I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
