Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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