i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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