Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
