I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
