quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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