the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
