I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
