I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
