you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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