I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
