My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
