i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
