I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
