I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
