He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
And then he peed in my hair
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