You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
