how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
