Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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