i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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