Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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