she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
