Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
