All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
