Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
