Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
