i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am one with the molecules
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
