dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
