When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
