omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
