The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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