I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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