I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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