Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
