you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
