if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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