I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
