i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
