note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
