hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
