Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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