There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
