Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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