I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
