he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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