New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
