Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
